(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)

that it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

that when she saw the R-18 sign (under 18 not admitted), she went home and got 17 friends.

that when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

that she told everyone that she was “illigitimate” because she couldn’t read.

that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

that you have to dig for her IQ.

that she got locked in a grocery store and starved.

that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

that she tripped over a cordless phone.

that she bought a solar-powered flashlight.

that she thinks a quarterback is a refund.

that she took a cup to see Juice.

that she sold the car for gas money.

that she asked you “What is the number for 911?”

that she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

that when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “OK”.

that she got stabbed in a shoot out.

that she stole free bread.

that she took a spoon to the superbowl.

that she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

that she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

that she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

that when asked on an application, “Sex?”, she marked, “M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.”

that when you stand next to her you hear the ocean.

that she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

that she sits on the TV and watches the couch.

that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care centre.

that she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.

that when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

that she jumped out the window and went up.

that she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

that under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.”

that she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

that she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.

that she thinks socialism means partying!

that she thinks manual labour is a Mexican!

that she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!

that she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.

that she has blonde roots in your eyeballs.

that she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W’s.

that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

that she went to a Whalers game to see Willy.

that it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.

that I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.

that she got hit by a cup and said she got mugged.

that she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.

that she thinks menopause is a button.

that was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.