(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)

that I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

that she has Jesus’s beeper number.

that her Social Security Number is 1.

that when God said “Let there be light,” she hit the switch.

that when she was in school there was no history class.

that she owes Jesus 3 bucks.

that she’s in Jesus’s yearbook.

that she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

that her birth certificate says “Expired” on it.

that she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

that she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

that she ran track with dinosaurs.

that her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

that she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

that she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, “Li’l Mary will never amount to anything”.