(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)

Your momma is like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up.

Your momma is like the pillbury doughboy – everyone gets a poke.

Your momma is like a doorknob – everyone gets a turn.

Your momma is like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on.

Your momma is like a bus, fifty cents and she’s ready to ride.

Your momma is like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one.

Your momma is like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country.

Your momma is like a tomato sauce bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her.

Your momma is like a shotgun: one cock and she blows.

Your momma is like a hardware store: 4 cents a screw.

Your momma is like Domino’s pizza — Something for nothing.

Your momma is like a fridge: everyone likes to put their meat in her.

Your momma is like cake mix, 15 servings per package.

Your momma is like a rifle … four cocks and she’s loaded.

Your momma is like a bowling ball. She’s picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.

Your momma is like a bus: guys climb on and off her all day long.

Your momma is like a bubble-gum machine … five cents a blow.

Your momma is like chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap.

Your momma is like a vacuum cleaner … a real good suck.

Your momma is so hairy, that you almost died of rugburn at birth.

Your momma is so hairy, that she’s got afros on her nipples.

Your momma is so hairy, that she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

Your momma is so hairy, that Bigfoot is taking her picture.

Your momma is so hairy, that she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

Your momma is so slutty, that she could suck-start a Harley.

Your momma is so slutty, that she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball.

Your momma is so slutty, that when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt.

Your momma is so slutty, that she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said “breakfast of the champs”.

Your momma is so slutty, that she had her own “Hands across her ass” charity drive.

Your momma is so slutty, that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

Your momma is so slutty, that I fucked her and I’m a chick!

Your momma is so slutty, that she blind and seeing another man.

Your momma’s nose is so fat, that you can go bowling with her boogers.

Your momma’s nose is so fat, that she makes Pinocchio look like a cat.

Your momma is so greasy, that she used bacon as a band-aid.

Your momma is so greasy, that Texaco buys oil from her.

Your momma is so lazy, that she thinks a two-income family is where your daddy has two jobs.

Your momma is so skinny, that she hula hoops with a Cheerio.

Your momma is so skinny, that she has to wear a belt with Spandex.

Your momma is so skinny, that she turned sideways and disappeared.

Your momma is so bald, that even a wig wouldn’t help.

Your momma is so bald, that you can see what’s on her mind.

Your momma is so bald, that that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

Your momma is so tall, that she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

Your momma is so flat, that she’s jealous of the wall.

Your momma’s glasses are so thick, that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

Your momma’s glasses are so thick, that she can see into the future.

Your momma has an afro with a chin strap.

Your momma has one leg and a bicycle.

Your momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

Your momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

Your momma has one hand and a Clapper.

Your momma has a wooden afro with an “X” carved in the back.

Your momma has green hair and thinks she’s a tree.

Your momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you’re saying.

Your momma has an afro with warning lights.

Your momma has 10 fingers — all on the same hand.

Your momma has a glass eye with a fish in it.

Your momma has a short leg and walks in circles.

Your momma has a short arm and can’t applaude.

Your momma has so many freckles, that she looks like a hamburger.

Your momma has two wooden legs and one is one backward.

Your momma has three fingers and a banjo.

Your momma has a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

Your momma has a bald head with a part and sideburns.

Your momma has a wooden leg with branches.

Your momma has so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

Your momma has a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

Your momma’s house is so small, that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

Your momma’s house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.

Your momma’s house is so dirty, that roaches ride around on dune buggies.

Your momma’s house is so dirty, that she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

Your momma’s hair is so short, that when she braided it they looked like stitches.

Your momma’s hair is so short, that she curls it with rice.

Your momma’s head is so big, that she has to step into her shirts.

Your momma’s head is so big, that it shows up on radar.

Your momma’s head is so small, that she use a tea-bag as a pillow.

Your momma’s head is so small, that that she got her ear pierced and died.

Your momma wears knee-pads and yells “Curb Service!”

Your momma’s feet are so big, that her shoes have to have license plates.

Your momma aint so bad … she would give you the hair off of her back.

Your momma lips are so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.

It took your momma 10 tries to get her driver’s license, she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

You were born out of your mother’s arse ‘cos her cunt was too busy.

Your momma hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.

Your momma is so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.

Your momma is twice the man you are.

Your momma is cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.

Your momma is missing a finger and can’t count past 9.

Your momma’s arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.

Your momma’s middle name is Rambo.

Your momma is in a wheelchair and says, “You ain’t gonna puch me ’round no more.”

Your momma’s mouth is so big, that she speaks in surround sound.

Your momma’s breath smell so bad, that when she yawns, her teeth duck.

I saw your momma at the freak show petting the world’s largest turtle.

Your momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

Your momma is so skinny, that she hang glides with a Dorito.

Your momma’s got snakeskin teeth.

Your momma’s got hair on her tongue and she gargles with curl activator.

Your momma’s got a wooden leg with a real foot.

Your momma’s got a leather wig with suede sideburns.

The difference between your momma and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, Your mama says any cock’ll do.

Your momma’s like mustard, she spreads easy.

Your momma’s like a race car driver … she burns a lot of rubbers.

Your momma’s like an ice cream cone … everyone gets a lick.

Your momma’s like McDonalds … Billions and Billions served.

Your momma’s like Bimbo’s … open 24 hours.

Your momma’s like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.

Your momma’s like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.

Your momma is like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.

Your momma is so cheap, that she went to McDonald’s to put a milkshake on lay-by.

Your momma is so cheap, that when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said “Moving”.

Your momma is so cheap, that she can’t afford to pay attention.

Your momma is so cheap, that when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush.

Your momma is so cheap, that when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers.

Your momma is so cheap, that when I ring the doorbell she says, “DING!”

Your momma is so cheap, that Your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Your momma is so cheap, that she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people’s fingers.

Your momma is so cheap, that her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

Your momma is so cheap, that she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, “What ya doin’?” She said, “Buying luggage.”

Your momma is so cheap, that she drives a peanut.

Your momma is so cheap, that she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

Your momma is so short, that she poses for trophies.

Your momma is so short, that you can see her feet on her drivers licence.

Your momma is so short, that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

Your momma is so short, that she can play handball on the curb.

Your momma is so short, that she does backflips under the bed.

Your momma is so short, that she models for trophies.

Your momma is so dirty, that she has to put ice down her knickers to keep the crabs fresh.

Your momma is so dirty, that she made Speed Stick slow down.

Your momma is so dirty, that she brings crabs to the beach.

Your momma is so dirty, that she made Right Guard turn left.

Your momma is so dirty, that the fishery paid her to leave.

Your momma is so dirty, that that her shit is glad to escape.

Your momma is so dirty, that Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off.

Your momma is so dirty, that I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

Your momma is so dirty, that she went to night school and was marked absent.

Your momma is so dirty, that she spits chocolate milk.

Your momma is so dirty, that that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

Your momma is so dirty, that she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

Your momma is so dirty, that she has to creep up on bathwater.