(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)

Reports of Michael Jackson having a heart attack are incorrect.
He was found in the children’s ward having a stroke.

There will be a post-mortem today to determine which was the cause of death:
A) Sunshine
B) Moonlight
C) Good Times
D) Boogie

Michael Jackson died of shock after finding out Boyz II Men was a band, not a delivery service.

Jockeys at tomorrow’s horseracing meetings will wear black armbands out of respect for Michael Jackson,
who successfully rode more 3 year olds than anyone in living memory.

McDonald’s are bringing out the Michael Jackson tribute burger:
50 year old meat between two 7 year old buns.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Alex Ferguson?
Fergie WILL be playing Giggs in August.

When Farrah Fawcett arrived in Heaven, God was such a big fan he decided to grant her one wish.
She asked that all the children in the world could be safe. So God killed Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning.
He ate some 12 year old nuts.
… Er or was it a five-year old wiener?

50 kids have volunteered to identify the body.
They have first-hand experience of seeing Michael Jackson stiff.

Michael Jackson’s legal team announced that he had agreed to be melted down by undertakers to make plastic toys.
So, kids can play with him for a change.

It has been reported on the “Angels News” Michael Jackson was refused entry to heaven due to the fact they don’t accept plastic.

Michael Jackson has cancelled all upcoming dates.
One is Thomas aged 9. Another is Dylan aged 6.

Apparently Michael Jackson died picking his nose.

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalogue.

Michael Jackson’s family have consented and given Michael’s body away to Lego.
He will be melted down so that little boys all over the world can continue to play with him.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney?
Disney can still touch kids.

Early reports are that the hospital does not know what to do with the body.
Plastic recycling is not collected until next Thursday.

At the autopsy they found children’s underwear strapped to his upper arm.
According to his doctors it is just a patch, he’s been trying to quit for a while.

They found Class A drugs in Michael Jackson’s kitchen, Class B drugs in MJ’s bathroom …
And Class 4C in bedroom.

I wonder if MJ went “ow!” when he died. Just a thought.

Now that Michael Jackson is dead, his family aren’t sure whether to have a funeral or Tupperware party.