(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)
- Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they aren’t looking.
- Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
- Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet.
- Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: ‘Code 3 in Housewares… and see what happens.
- Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on credit.
- Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
- Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers You are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
- When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
- Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
- While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk If he knows where the anti-depressants are located.
- Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the Theme from Mission Impossible.
- Hide in a clothing rack .. . . and when people browse through, say: “PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!”
- When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor And assume the fetal position and scream “NO!…It’s those voices again!!!”And last but not least:
- Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while… then Yell loudly: “There’s no toilet paper in here!”